The Manosphere promotes a number of myths about alimony in the United States.

The purpose of these myths is threefold:

1. To support a false belief that American society is gynocentric (woman-centered), feminist, matriarchal and biased against men (in this case, the family court system).

2. To support a false belief that men are “oppressed victims” in a gynocentric, feminist, matriarchal society (via the family court system)

3. To slander and malign American women as inherently malevolent, manipulative, and exploitative of men.

One of the most common Manosphere myths about alimony is that women file for divorce for financial gain (e.g., alimony, child support, and the division of marital property).

This Manosphere myth can be easily disproved by looking at data on alimony in the United States.

For starters, the term “alimony” is defined as “an allowance made to one spouse by the other for support pending or after legal separation or divorce.” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Alimony is enforced in all 50 U.S. states. The specific details of alimony laws differ from state to state.

Most states do not allow permanent alimony. The only states that still have permanent alimony are New Jersey, Connecticut, Vermont, North Carolina, West Virginia, Florida, and Oregon

The false narrative that women file for divorce for financial gain begins to fall apart when we learn that, “alimony, while never granted in the majority of cases, has been awarded even less frequently, in smaller amounts, and for briefer periods of time.” (Duke Journal of Gender Law & Policy, Volume 19:41, 2011, page 44)

“According to Census Bureau data from 1887 to 1906, alimony was awarded in 9.3 percent of all divorce cases. During the next twenty years, it’s frequency increased somewhat to 15.4% in 1916 and 14.7% in 1922.” (The Marriage Buyout: The Troubled Trajectory of U.S. Alimony Law, by Cynthia Lee Starnes, Whither/Wither Alimony?, Texas Law Review, Volume 93, page 928, footnote 17)

The history of alimony does not support the narrative that American women are financially-motivated to file for divorce in order to enrich themselves or for material gain in the form of alimony.

To the contrary, the history of alimony shows that alimony has never been granted in the majority of divorces. And even further, that alimony has been on the decline in recent decades, and the alimony amounts that women are being granted are getting smaller and smaller over time.

Even without knowing the average alimony payment in the United States (which differs from state to state, by the way), the history of alimony does not paint a picture that American women are “gold diggers” who file for divorce for financial gain.

Historically, very few divorce cases have involved alimony, and the trend is that this number has been shrinking over the past few decades.

When we dive into the numbers, the Manosphere myth that American women are filing for divorce for financial gain becomes even further detached from reality.

In a 1989 study (Child Support and Alimony, Current Population Reports, Consumer Income, Series P-60, Number 173, U.S. Department of Commerce Economics and Statistics Administration, Bureau of the Census, Gordon H. Lester, page 12), it states that, “Of the 20.6 million ever-divorced or currently separated women in 1990, 15.5 percent were awarded alimony payments. (See table K.).”

This same 1989 report states that the alimony award rate for Black women was 10.7 percent.

The fact that this report is 35 years old is irrelevant because alimony awards are not increasing over time, but are on the decline. This paints the exact opposite picture of the Manosphere caricature of “the American gold digger ex-wife.”

According to Judith McMullen, a Professor of law at Marquette University, alimony awards have dropped to about 10 percent today. In one study of Wisconsin cases, it was only 8.6 percent (Alimony: What Social Science and Popular Culture Tell Us About Women, Guilt, and Spousal Support After Divorce, by Judith G. McMullen, 2011, page 46)

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it” -author unknown

The quote above is often attributed to Joseph Goebbels, the Nazi propaganda minister. However, there is no direct evidence that Goebbels actually said or wrote this exact phrase.

Nevertheless, this propaganda technique called “the big lie” is very effective, unfortunately. And we can see it play out in the Manosphere everyday.

“The big lie” technique involves creating a lie so colossal that no one would believe that someone could be so bold and shameless that they would completely invert the truth or distort it so wildly.

Yet, on a daily basis, men (and women) all over the internet spread this slanderous lie that American women are gold diggers who file for divorce in order to get alimony. When in fact, very few American women are awarded alimony, and even fewer actually receive consistent payments, if anything at all.

Frighteningly, this “big lie” has spread like a virus from Manosphere platforms, infecting the minds of both men and women in the conservative movement, Conservative Evangelical churches throughout the West, Black Hebrew Israelite groups, local barbershops, and even the family court system.

It’s become commonplace to hear men confidently regurgitate this lie that American women are after a man’s pockets and file for divorce in order to financially exploit men. This shows how easy it is to mentally program a large number of people in a relatively short period of time.

Believing the lie that American women are gold diggers who file for divorce to financially exploit men is dangerous and harmful for several reasons:

It Perpetuates Misogyny and Stereotypes: This myth reinforces negative stereotypes about women, portraying them as manipulative and greedy. It contributes to a culture of misogyny where women are unfairly judged and their motives are questioned simply based on their biological sex. Such stereotypes can lead to discrimination and unjust treatment in various aspects of life, including the workplace and legal system.

It Undermines Genuine Divorce Cases: Many women file for divorce due to legitimate reasons such as abuse, infidelity, substance abuse, lack of equality, and financial irresponsibility/neglect. Dismissing these cases as “women filing for divorce to get alimony” undermines the real issues and struggles that many women face in marriages. It can also discourage women from leaving harmful relationships out of fear of being labeled as gold diggers.

It Exacerbates Hostility and Distrust: This lie fosters an environment of hostility and distrust between women and men. Men who believe this false narrative may become overly suspicious of women or defensive in their relationships, leading to unnecessary conflict and a lack of healthy communication. It can also discourage men from entering into or fully committing to relationships out of fear of being financially exploited.

It Impacts Legal Outcomes: In family court, the perception that women are likely to exploit men financially can influence family court professionals (judges, juries, lawyers, etc.), potentially leading to biased decisions rooted in sexism. This can result in unfair alimony or child support rulings that do not accurately reflect the financial needs and contributions of both parties.

It Ignores Socioeconomic Realities: This stereotype ignores the socioeconomic realities that many women face. Women often earn less money than men and may have worked part-time or taken on unpaid care-giving roles during the marriage, which impacts their financial stability post-divorce. Alimony and child support are mechanisms to address these disparities and ensure fair financial stability for such women (and their children) after a divorce.

Mental Health Consequences: Women who are subjected to this stereotype may experience increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Constantly defending their motives and facing societal judgment can take a toll on their mental health. Men, on the other hand, may experience unnecessary paranoia and stress about potential financial exploitation.

Societal Division: Promoting such lies contributes to societal division and increasing polarization between women and men. Instead of working towards understanding and healthy relationships based on equality and respect, this false narrative of “the American gold digger ex-wife” creates further divisions and hinders progress.

In conclusion, the pervasive Manosphere myth that American women are driven by financial motives to file for divorce (to secure alimony) is not only unfounded but also harmful. It perpetuates negative misogynistic stereotypes, undermines legitimate claims, and fuels unnecessary mistrust between women and men.

The reality is that alimony is awarded in only a small percentage of divorce cases, with courts carefully considering numerous factors before making a decision. It is essential for people of goodwill to debunk these myths and focus on promoting fair and equitable treatment in divorce proceedings, ensuring that both women and men can move forward with dignity and financial stability.

Understanding the truth behind these misconceptions can help create a more informed, respectful, and just society.